Lesson Learned

I put myself in a horrible situation about 4 or 5 years ago and God kept me there until today. At first I didn't understand it. I asked "why me" continuously and even thought God had forsaken me. But now I get it. It was His plan to make me stronger, wiser, and to have endless faith no matter the circumstance. I'm so happy to be free from this burden and now it's time to rebuild.

Year in a review/ 2011 changes

OMG! Where did 2010 go? This was definitely a better year than 2009 but as I reflect on this past year, I'm thankful for all the "lows" I've experienced because my situations have taught me patience, in all things have faith, and to continue to believe in hope.

As I move into this new year and with all the talk of resolutions, I thought about all the things in my life I would like to change. I haven't been one for New Years resolutions because I believe you can make a change anytime, regardless of the date, but I have to admit, it's kind of nice to start with a clean slate on 1/1/11.

So here is my looooong list of Lifetime Changes (I think I like that better than New Years Resolution)

1. To have a REAL, personal relationship with Jesus Christ

This is very shameful for me to admit but I've been struggling with my spiritual life. I plan to devote my time to really reading and understanding the scripture and having daily communion with Him. I believe Jesus is coming again soon and I want to be ready for His return.

2. To live a healthy lifestyle when it comes to my diet and exercise

It's no secret that my biggest insecurity is my weight. I'm always either on a diet, just finished a diet or about to start one. I'm so tired of living like that and now is the time I make a lifestyle change and make exercise a part of my daily routine.

3. To achieve a more stable financial situation

I've been blessed with a career where I'm able to support myself and afford some small luxuries but this is the time I need to be more responsible and actually start REALLY saving money. I (thankfully) don't have any credit card debit and I live at home so paying down on my student loans, car note and putting something away for later on in life needs to be my priority.

4. To further my education

Even though I'm proud of my accomplishments, to this day I still beat myself up about not doing nursing the first time around. I feel I should of had a Masters by now but I can't live in the past so I plan to apply to one graduate program this year and see what happens.

5. To be a better nurse

Just because nursing school is over doesn't mean you have to stop learning. I want to make it a habit to review things I once learned because I'm sure it will make even more sense now that I'm practicing. I want to better my techniques and become even more proficient with cardiac rhythms.

6. I no longer want my emotions to dictate my actions

I've been working on this since last year and there has been great improvement already but I can do better.

7. I want to be less selfish and share more

I have no problem giving but I hate sharing what's mine. It's such a bad trait and I've been blessed to have many people share with me throughout my life that I definitely need to do better in that area.

8. Don't have an opinion where you don't have responsibility.

I read this quote on my cousin's husband's facebook page a few weeks ago. How often have you listened to a friends situation and unknowingly judged him/her? Perhaps even discussed it with another friend or your significant other, stating what you would have done differently, questioning the reasons for their actions, and even looking down at them for their misfortunes. That is not being a real friend and being a good friend is what I strive for. I have a very small circle and treasure all those that are apart of it.

9. To be a better blogger

This blog has been such a major outlet for me since I started last year but often it gets put on the back burner, sometimes because of a crazy work schedule, sometimes out of laziness. I spent 6 days in DC with my boyfriend, had Christmas dinner my MD family and later on with his, ate at a fabolous restaurant, went to the movies, etc and I didn't make one entry or take one picture. I should be ashamed of myself... I don't even deserve to be called a blogger...lol. But for 2011 I plan to do better.

PS- If you're reading this and not a follower, go to the right side of the screen and click follow please :-)

What are some of your changes for the New Year?

I'm actually blaming Adam

At about 4:30 this morning I was awakened from my deep slumber by some of the most powerful cramps I've ever felt. As I searched for my special stash of Ibuprofen, one could mistake me for a dope fiend looking for my lost supply. My heart raced a little faster as I came across the small white bottle with the promise of bringing me some relief. I opened it up and to my dismay it was empty. I fired the poor bottle across the room and raised my fist in the air cursing Eve for the physical pain her sin caused mankind... well womankind. But you know what? Where was Adam when that slick talking serpent was tempting Eve? I'm not blaming Eve, nah I'm actually blaming Adam.

After re- reading Genesis 3:1-6 I realized that Adam was in fact present when the Devil was pumping Eve with his lies of her becoming like God. Verse 6 says:

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat

What a revelation?! All this time I thought it was Eve wandering alone in the garden, away from her husband, up to no good when that fool was actually standing right beside her....smh. Eve had been deceived by the serpent and fallen to her own desires to be like God but Adam.... in his case, he was not deceived, he made an informed decision to eat the fruit. How do I know this? Read down a little further to verse 12 when God questioned the couple about eating the fruit:

And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

He didn't say the serpent tricked me (like Eve confessed) he blamed the woman and had the nerve to remind God that it was the woman that He gave him. Just like a man... never taking responsibility for their actions.

So as I dig through my purse and finally find the medication filled bottle, I swallow the two oblong shaped white pills dry, I come to conclusion that I'm actually blaming Adam...lol

* Disclaimer* please note this post was written early in the morning while in tremendous pain and I, the author, don't even believe My account of what happened that day in the Garden of Eden. I'll promise to write my true thoughts another time, when I can give my opinion without bias to either sex...lol

Blessed and highly favored

I don't know about you but I serve a good God! A God who understands my tears and even reads my blog. Remember last night I wrote about being sad and my overall feelings of melancholy? Well the Lord heard my cry because he woke me up feeling anew. I woke up with a peace and happiness in my heart, something I haven't felt in a while. I'm a person who gets more from music than from an actual sermon (my mother would kill me if she heard me say that) and this morning the Lord was in charge of my Pandora because the first song that played was Mary Mary's Yesterday and throughout the morning as I ate breakfast, dressed, and even drove to church, He didn't stop ministering to me in song. Even the choir's musical selection but into perspective how good God is to me. How he continues to protect me, how he steps right in on time. I have too much to be thankful for, too much to praise Him about to be depressed. Yes I'm blessed and highly favored and I will not allow the devil to steal my joy...again (lol).

Someday....

A couple of days ago, an old friend and I, we’ll call her “Carmen” (insider…lol), were having a conversation via bbm (l ♥bbm) about still being single. She stressed how much she wanted a husband and kids. She questioned if any God-fearing, single men were left. Being the optimistic person I am (ummm maybe 90% of the time) and maybe trying to convince myself as well, I told her in God’s time it will happen. She responded, “God knows I ‘m ready “. I told her, “You may THINK you’re ready but God might think otherwise.”

I just want to encourage all the ladies in me and “Carmen’s” situation, those who have lost loves, and yes even the lucky ladies currently in love, with the quote below. Terry (you sure are getting a lot of shine on my blog) sent it to me earlier this week (it was my facebook status as well) and it brought actual tears to my eyes:

Who cares if this isn't grammatical correct, just look past that and believe and embrace it!

In His hands

I've been going through a very difficult situation lately. It's been so rough that it has kept me up some nights, I would burst into tears at a moments notice, and at one point I even became withdrawn from my loved ones. On Sabbath morning, I woke up and turned on my Pandora Yolanda Adams station and what was the first song that played? This too shall pass!! The chorus spoke volumes to me:

This too shall pass

Like every night before it

He'll never give you more than you can bear

This too shall pass

So in this thought be comforted

It's in His hands

This too shall pass

It was in that moment that I thought, "What is there that my God can't do?". Why am I carrying this burden alone? I made the decision to put my dilemma in His hands and what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

What are carrying that you should turn over to Him?