Lesson Learned

I put myself in a horrible situation about 4 or 5 years ago and God kept me there until today. At first I didn't understand it. I asked "why me" continuously and even thought God had forsaken me. But now I get it. It was His plan to make me stronger, wiser, and to have endless faith no matter the circumstance. I'm so happy to be free from this burden and now it's time to rebuild.

Leave the past, in the past

The hardest thing about being in a new relationship is being in a new relationship. It's so difficult to let your past insecurities go when you've been wronged so many times before, but I'm here to tell you if you want it to work you better get over it and quick. Don't let your past dictate your future, enter in with a clear mind and open heart. Learn from your past relationship mistakes and don't ignore blatant signs; after all: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Good luck to all those newly in love oh and newly in like too.

My New Year's wish to you

This is my New Year's wish to you:

Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life

Happy 2011! Let's make this year a good one

Year in a review/ 2011 changes

OMG! Where did 2010 go? This was definitely a better year than 2009 but as I reflect on this past year, I'm thankful for all the "lows" I've experienced because my situations have taught me patience, in all things have faith, and to continue to believe in hope.

As I move into this new year and with all the talk of resolutions, I thought about all the things in my life I would like to change. I haven't been one for New Years resolutions because I believe you can make a change anytime, regardless of the date, but I have to admit, it's kind of nice to start with a clean slate on 1/1/11.

So here is my looooong list of Lifetime Changes (I think I like that better than New Years Resolution)

1. To have a REAL, personal relationship with Jesus Christ

This is very shameful for me to admit but I've been struggling with my spiritual life. I plan to devote my time to really reading and understanding the scripture and having daily communion with Him. I believe Jesus is coming again soon and I want to be ready for His return.

2. To live a healthy lifestyle when it comes to my diet and exercise

It's no secret that my biggest insecurity is my weight. I'm always either on a diet, just finished a diet or about to start one. I'm so tired of living like that and now is the time I make a lifestyle change and make exercise a part of my daily routine.

3. To achieve a more stable financial situation

I've been blessed with a career where I'm able to support myself and afford some small luxuries but this is the time I need to be more responsible and actually start REALLY saving money. I (thankfully) don't have any credit card debit and I live at home so paying down on my student loans, car note and putting something away for later on in life needs to be my priority.

4. To further my education

Even though I'm proud of my accomplishments, to this day I still beat myself up about not doing nursing the first time around. I feel I should of had a Masters by now but I can't live in the past so I plan to apply to one graduate program this year and see what happens.

5. To be a better nurse

Just because nursing school is over doesn't mean you have to stop learning. I want to make it a habit to review things I once learned because I'm sure it will make even more sense now that I'm practicing. I want to better my techniques and become even more proficient with cardiac rhythms.

6. I no longer want my emotions to dictate my actions

I've been working on this since last year and there has been great improvement already but I can do better.

7. I want to be less selfish and share more

I have no problem giving but I hate sharing what's mine. It's such a bad trait and I've been blessed to have many people share with me throughout my life that I definitely need to do better in that area.

8. Don't have an opinion where you don't have responsibility.

I read this quote on my cousin's husband's facebook page a few weeks ago. How often have you listened to a friends situation and unknowingly judged him/her? Perhaps even discussed it with another friend or your significant other, stating what you would have done differently, questioning the reasons for their actions, and even looking down at them for their misfortunes. That is not being a real friend and being a good friend is what I strive for. I have a very small circle and treasure all those that are apart of it.

9. To be a better blogger

This blog has been such a major outlet for me since I started last year but often it gets put on the back burner, sometimes because of a crazy work schedule, sometimes out of laziness. I spent 6 days in DC with my boyfriend, had Christmas dinner my MD family and later on with his, ate at a fabolous restaurant, went to the movies, etc and I didn't make one entry or take one picture. I should be ashamed of myself... I don't even deserve to be called a blogger...lol. But for 2011 I plan to do better.

PS- If you're reading this and not a follower, go to the right side of the screen and click follow please :-)

What are some of your changes for the New Year?

Absence makes the ♥ grow fonder

Random Ramblings #1

I love nothing more than almost perfectly shaped eyebrows

I hate trying to put things together and pack for trips

(I leave for DC tomorrow afternoon)

I'm very excited about my 2 perfect finds at H&M today

(I'll share my outfits this weekend)

I definitely didn't need to have that Cinnabun tonight

(I'm trying to start dieting again)

I miss my niece Niyah something terrible

What should I do with my hair when I take out these braids ??

I can't believe I'll be 27 in 2 days

My almost perfect eyebrows... I'll comb them for the next pic...lol

Wanting what you have

I can be a very moody person at times and it just takes some thing small to push me over the edge. I mean I can make a mole hill turn into a mountain. Well that happened yesterday. I got so worked up over a little incident and it just made me think of all the 'horrible things wrong in my life'. I mean I was feeling so sad, so mad, so helpless that I buried myself under my comforter and just listened to the rain beat against my AC unit and the roll of the thunder. I guess the weather didn't help my mood either, it actually contributed to my foolishness. After a couple of hours I bounced down the stairs and came across a small plaque that use to hang in my grandmother's house. I never paid it any mind until that moment. It read:

Happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you have

That's one of the realist things I ever read! Sometimes I get so caught up with the situation I'm in, I forget to think about all I've been blessed with. Day by day I strive not to get caught up with things of the world and always remember my happiness comes from within.

Little signs like this make me feel my grandma is still guiding me through life even though she is no longer here

Rollercoaster of life

On this journey called life I've always been fortunate enough to have my brothers by my side and that thought didn't cross my mind until I was sitting in between them on the SheiKra roller-coaster at Busch Gardens. My younger brother David is terrified of coasters but of course my oldest brother forced him on as I teased him for being a punk. For most of his life, that's what Dean's role has been, telling David what to do while I provoke and laugh at him from a safe distance.

As we made our way up the incline slowly, my excitement began to escalate. I started squealing with anticipation and gave David's arm a little squeeze, hoping he was enjoying the build as much as I was. It made me think of times in my life when I just know something good is going to happen, when I get that feeling of this is it and the first person I call is him. I looked over at David and his expression read, "I don't know what you smiling for because I know what's to come." This is normally the same reaction I get when I talk to him of the "good vibe I'm getting". He's there to help me see the big picture, remind me not to get too excited, and to always hope for the best but expect the worst.

As we reached the top of the hill my stomach dropped and panic took over as the coaster made the right turn and dropped to the ground below. I turned to Dean at this point as I would often do in my real life. When things seem out of control, I'm scared and things are moving too fast, he's the one able to give me soothing words of encouragement always ready to protect me, reminding me everything in life is a lesson learned.

I'm able to enjoy every loop, roll, u-turn, flat spin and brake run this SheiKra of life has to offer me. No matter the 90 degree drop, if I'm suspended above air, or come across a surprise twist, I have my brothers by my side and that's what I need in this roller coaster we call life.

Orlando... over 2 years later

I landed in a place I called home for over two years today... Orlando. Stepping out into the airport evoked feelings of nostalgia. When I lived here and would return from visiting New York, sadness normally filled my heart. I often would have to hold back tears thinking back on the few days I spent in NY and all the loved ones I left behind. Now returning over 2 1/2 years later, I'm consumed with a different set of emotions. I'm excited and can't wait to see what this week holds for me. I'm looking forward to hanging out with my cousin Lauren that I became awfully close with during my time in Florida, I'll be able to spend an entire week with both brothers at the same time and most importantly I get to smother and spoil my 3 nieces and nephew rotten.

This week is a chance for me to become rejuvenated, a chance to focus on the things in life most important to me and just leave the worries of life alone... even though it's just for a week.

So all of you stuck home in these last week weeks of summer, I'm inviting you to partake in my vacation along with me. I'm going to TRY to blog as much as possible since I've been seriously slacking and I should have the time and energy to write here... but PLEASE, PLEASE don't hold your breath...lol

Blessed and highly favored

I don't know about you but I serve a good God! A God who understands my tears and even reads my blog. Remember last night I wrote about being sad and my overall feelings of melancholy? Well the Lord heard my cry because he woke me up feeling anew. I woke up with a peace and happiness in my heart, something I haven't felt in a while. I'm a person who gets more from music than from an actual sermon (my mother would kill me if she heard me say that) and this morning the Lord was in charge of my Pandora because the first song that played was Mary Mary's Yesterday and throughout the morning as I ate breakfast, dressed, and even drove to church, He didn't stop ministering to me in song. Even the choir's musical selection but into perspective how good God is to me. How he continues to protect me, how he steps right in on time. I have too much to be thankful for, too much to praise Him about to be depressed. Yes I'm blessed and highly favored and I will not allow the devil to steal my joy...again (lol).

Down but not out

I've really been slacking on my posts because I haven't been in the best of moods to be honest and the sad part is I really can't explain why. I normally try to stay positive on my blog but I'm also all about being real and honest not just for myself but for people who may be experiencing the same feelings. I've been feeling some sort of pain in my heart but my kind of pain doesn't ache or throb, maybe it's not a pain at all. I just want to be distracted. Sometimes I want not to care, I wish I could be nonchalant, less emotional. A lot of things bother me that I wish didn't...

I'm sure this will past, it better, because I'm not one to waddle in my pity for long. I'm down right now but don't count me out.

I can fly

All my close friends know what a thrill seeker I am. There is no roller coaster fast enough or any free fall high enough (I ain't never scared) so when my little cousin Derek started skydiving last year, I just knew I would have to join him one day. We've been trying since the season started but with my work schedule and weather conditions we weren't able to go until today!

I met up with him at his house in Elmont and we made our way to Suffolk county. All the way there I was waiting for my nerves to kick in and they never did. I thought maybe once I saw the plane but still nothing. I thought for sure when I got in my harness, ummm no I was wrong. Once up in the air my instructor started going over the instructions again and then my mind began to race... suppose I forgot what to do, suppose the parachute didn't open. I didn't get to think that much because next thing I know, my cousin who no longer jumps tandem (he's serious about this skydiving thing) saw the green light and was out. Then right after him two other student jumpers leaped out then it was my turn!!

Oh no! Well those nerves you know I was waiting on well they suddenly appeared. While I was at the door of the plane and my instructor was rocking me back and forth, saying "Ready" I thought what the hell am I doing? "Set" I wondered if it was too late to change my mind... "Go" I couldn't even complete my thought because I was now soaring 13,500 feet in the air (with obscenities flying out of my mouth) and it was the most exhilarating experience of my life! I felt so free, so alive, and unexpectedly, very happy. It was like nothing else mattered and I was at peace...even if it was only for a moment. I was able to take in my entire surroundings and enjoy the beautiful work of my Creator. I'm a control freak that needs to be in charge most times but it was kind of nice being helpless and relinquishing that power to someone else for a change.

I'm so happy I got to skydive today, not only because it gave me a chance to bond with my cousin over something he's so passionate about but I'm also now reassured that I have what it takes to do anything I want. If I can jump out of a perfectly good airplane (as my older brother said) what is there that I can't or won't do.

Before take off

Thought of the day:

Emotional eater

Recently I've been having the urge to kick my own ass. You know when you do something you know you shouldn't do but you do it anyway then regret it soon after. Well that was me yesterday. Without going into details, I was disappointed last night and no one was around to make me feel better. My mom was at work and daddy was in Albany so I called on the second best thing... take out... more specifically Domino's. I was hungry but I could have eaten a grapefruit or banana like I usually do but oh no I ordered a pizza, two to be exact (hey I had to in order to get the deal). While eating the first 2 slices, I began to feel better, then I ate 2 more and suddenly felt sick. I quickly wrapped up the rest and put it in the freezer. Thank God my brother will be home in a few days and will take care of the left overs. I can't believe I let my feelings ruin all the hard work I've been putting into eating right. Thank goodness for new days and new beginnings. I refuse to continue to be an emotional eater, that's what got me in the mess I'm in now...lol. So excuse me as I start my day with a workout DVD and end my day at the gym.

My thought of the day:

Now usually I don't do this but I'm dedicating this to you, yes you. You know who you are. You claim you don't read my blog but I'm sure you're fronting. Well here is my message to you since obviously I'm not brave enough to tell you face to face and now I'm actually worried that you will see this =-/ *lol* Well here goes: